It feels like I really have the reins now in the whole ‘making my way through the world’ thing. (Obviously by ‘the’ reins, I mean- like- a few more inches of it.)
This is exciting. Drew, I am terrified.
Perhaps I’m terrified because the way I realized I had control was through last-minute, get-your-shit-together-or-at-least-as-much-of-it-as-you-can moments (O.K. hours– sidenote: do people still write ‘ok’ like that?) to make up for not justly taking care of my responsibilities in a more timely manner.
Basically, Drew, I had to do an application for a summer language program and it has been stressful. Wow. I know right- really making my way through the world by planning out summer 2014.
Well, to that I would say– HEY NOW (cue appropriate childhood flashback to Hillary Duff), after summer there’s study abroad, then legit applications for summer internships and post-graduation job planning, then two capstone projects on things that interest me and (shoot, do I say it? Make me a more marketable job applicant?), then pre-graduation jitters and brooding (that means…mono anyone?) then there’s graduation itself (thank goodness I have my wedding dress ready), and then there’s…
Then what’ll I do?!
Quickly! Tell me where the nearest ladder/field of hoops is!
Well, there’s a job or fellowship opportunity (but ugh- don’t those have cray cray applications?), there’s Mumzie’s futon (hopefully that’ll be gone by then though- so that’s up in the air, or rather- scraping some paint off our walls) or graduate school (yes, yes! School foreva!! Frealz- no sarcasm there), or… I don’t know.
And yet, I have this programmed answer to ‘what are you going to do after college?’
It vaguely outlines what type of ‘way’ I think would be nice to have/do/live out, but the more I repeat it, the more terrified I get.
The outline has started to sound more and more like the career path of somebody else, someone who, when I was younger (keep in mind this phrase is almost ok to use because I’m nearly TWENTY! Lolcatz. <– Exhibit A shows why it’s almost ok- [O.K.?!]) I unconcernedly labeled as ‘Adult Morgan,’ when I thought I’d have more time to become her.
But this is the good stuff isn’t it? The whole ‘making your way’ thing?
I could expand on this point but I’m losing steam, so onward with this elaborate story…
In a moment of revelation this evening I found myself a lil’ bit of inner peace. I’m going to (try my best to) stop agonizing over what way/path(/whatever you want to call it) needs/should be/look like (really good with words/word choice here, Morgan) and put all my energy into the ‘making’ part. I don’t have to have and keep to a set, step-by-step plan, I just have to set myself towards getting better at the making of one. BOOM.
GO VERBS! Don’t you just love action verbs in particular, Drew? Don’t you feel the difference between ‘be happy’ and ‘get happy?’ Sometimes I just need to focus on a few action verbs to get me to those seemingly passive ones.
Yup. You can tell it’s 1:55AM in the morning can’t you? Well, I suppose I should hit the hay. Drew, I hope all is well and that you and the family are enjoying joyous New Year’s festivities!
Thanks for being an important part of my year; here’s to 2014! May this year bring much love, and may we bring much love and laughter to this year.
Happy New Year.
P.S. In other news:
❤ Matthew Rhys & Anna Maxwell Martin ❤
WHAT?! Is that Mr. & Mrs. Darcy?! Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus…opened again?!
Truth be told, I’ve already watched all three episodes. I was very touchy about it at first– I had just finished my biannual viewing of 2005’s Pride and Prejudice (a tear-jerker for me during that last scene at Longbourn as always), when I googled a vague combination of words to research Matthew Macfadyen and his casting process only to find reviews on BBC One’s Christmas Special based on P.D. James’ book! (I spared you the trailer- I’d just hop right in!) Anywhos- I loved it. Let me know what you think.
Oh hello…And a Happy New Year to you!